Flip the Switch
You need another perspective
not because you are weak, but because your view is limited.
Have you ever had one of those conversations that simply yet thoroughly changes your whole perspective? A friend who tells you their experience in high school, and it was completely different from yours? Or the guy at work you can’t stand until he gives you a glimpse of how hard his life has been up to this point? Even the way someone else describes the weather or the taste of their favorite food can stick with us and cause us to see those things in a new light.
It is a human trait and an irony we take for granted, that we are relational above all else but also greatly limited by our own view and how we are interpreting our story. So the perspectives of those we trust can be a powerful tool, but only if we pause long enough to flip into that mindset. Typically the feedback we get from our loved ones, from cultural norms, peer pressure, even social media or fashion trends - all affects us to varying degrees, but isn’t all bad. And as a side note, we aren’t affected because we are weak, but because we are designed to relate to others automatically; to connect and to learn from the people around us. We need this feedback or comparison to know we are okay.
“we are relational above all else.”
However, the perspective from someone outside your own head can radically change your thoughts and feelings, and be a powerful tool when it is weighed carefully. This is something we therapists know well because we see it ALL the time! Sometimes I don’t have to offer any insights of my own, I simply repeat back to the client a statement they have made, and they hear it differently. Why? Because we all have our own blind spots in our perspective, or have a way that we interpret the world. Quite often the lens we are looking through is our own insecurity or past hurts. And if we are seeing the world through that bias, it’s no wonder the picture looks grim!
But how do we increase our perspective to move out from behind those lenses we’ve been looking through? It can be difficult especially when we are flooded with emotions or past wounds, but here are 2 easy tools I encourage my clients to use.
Journal. Seriously, try it. It doesn’t matter if you journal 3 sentences, 2 pages, or you write a book every night before bed. It doesn’t have to be consistent & it doesn’t have to be more than stream-of-consciousness. It can be a huge help just to write out your thoughts and see it on paper. But you can also write as if you’re writing TO someone (or yourself), or you can use helpful questions or prompts to guide you.
Find a few key questions to ask yourself when you are emotionally overwhelmed, confused, or in a tricky situation. Such as:
What advice would I give a friend in this same situation?
What if the roles were reversed (in this situation or relationship), how would I feel or what would I do if I was them?
5 years from now, what would my future self think or say about this?
To be honest, one of my personal go-to’s is 'What would I ask or tell a client in this situation?’ Whatever you ask or however you need to process, finding ways to step outside of your own view can be one of the fastest ways to find clarity or figure out healthy next steps. It can be the flip of the switch you need to shed light on the situation.
If you’re in the dark, take a minute and flip the switch.
~Angie